Brains vs Brawns
by Gremblin
Summary: It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Unfortunately for Rodney McKay, it's him.


It all started innocently enough. Rodney and John were talking about their respective subordinates, who they liked and disliked, who actually had talent and who was just playing at what they were doing and getting lucky. It progressed into a series of small squabbles and arguments over the next few days over who were better, military men or noncom spooks. At first it was kept relatively quiet, away from those that worked under them. Eventually, however, the rest of Atlantis found out. The 'small argument' between Rodney and John became a large fight between the marines and scientists of Atlantis.

As we all know, both groups have large amounts of pride they take very serious steps to protect. So it was only a matter of time before the 'argument' became an all out war. No scientist was safe from being ghosted by paint balls. No scientist was safe from random all-day grueling physical training. No marine was safe from random things not working for them (with or without the ATA gene). No marine was safe from cold showers.

None except the two that threw the original volley of arrows that started the war. Only Lt. Colonel John Shepperd and Dr. Rodney McKay were safe from the underlings pranks. The two only had to worry about each other, being unofficially deemed off-limits by those that worked for them. It was silent consensus that only Rodney could prank John, and only John could prank Rodney. No one else dared bring the wrath of the two members of the senior staff.

The mess hall was visibly split. There was three groups you could sit with, and which one you sat with would be a preview of whether you'd be looking over your shoulder at every turn. There was the marines sitting in one corner of the back of the room. There was the scientists taking up a few tables in a corner opposite the marines. Then there was those that didn't want to get involved; the medical staff, the tech staff, the engineers, and the scientists that were also marines that weren't sure what side to take.

Rodney McKay sat at one table, Zelenka, Miko, and Kavanaugh sitting with him. Kavanaugh had been given a special place at the table only because he was able to think up good ideas to turn against the offending marines and because most of the marines hated Kavanaugh enough to lock him away in an unexplored part of Atlantis. Because the scientists were already largely outnumbered every science officer there was important, for numbers if anything else.

John Shepperd sat with the Marines, returning the glare that Rodney shot at him from across the cafeteria. John smirked and took a long teasing drink of the coffee in his mug. The majority of the science staff glared at him with utter disdain – at the beginning of the war the marines had scowered the whole of Atlantis and hidden every coffee maker. They had yet to have turned up, but somehow John had a mug of coffee with every one of his meals.

Rodney put on a smug look and took a big bite out of a tuna sandwich. He had made it a point, as retribution for the stolen coffeepots, to steal and hide all the tuna in Atlantis. Just as John taunted him with Coffee, Rodney taunted John with Tuna.

Swallowing the bite, a funny tingling ran through his mouth. He ignored it, and continued eating the sandwich, not quite enjoying the taste but putting up with it to torture John. The taste was different than the day before, more tangy. He tried to place the taste, he'd have to make sure not to pick out another one.

He realized what the taste was moments too late. It started with his neck becoming suddenly itchy. He scratched at it with one hand while continuing to eat the food in front of him. He had to take incresingly smaller bites until he couldn't eat anymore because he couldn't swallow it, his eyes widening as he realized just what was happening. He started feeling like he was going to throw up and fell over backwards from his chair. Carson was sitting near the door talking with Elizabeth about the stupid fights that had started breaking out when he heard the commotion. John watched with increasing worry as Rodney's skin quickly started turning red. John looked around at the marines around him, most looked worried but a few looked pleased. All knew of Dr. McKay's claims of being highly allergic to citris fruit, but many of the marines didn't believe the egotistical scientist. Those that were worried were wondering who had done it, because they all had guessed what had happened. None had intended the fighting to go this far, physical harm maybe, but this could actually kill the head scientist. As annoying as many found him all knew that there most likely wouldn't be an Atlantis had it not been for Rodney's many last-minutes saves.

John, Carson, Teyla, and Ronan all jumped to their barely breathing friend as the majority of the mess hall stood to try and figure out what was going on. Ronan helped Rodney into a sitting position as the panicking scientist tried to calm down and breathe.

"Citris!" Rodney managed to gasp before loosing consciousness from lack of air entering his system. John's heartrate sped up, and anger towards his troops rose for pulling the stunt skyrocketed. John pulled an Epi-pen out of one of Rodney's pockets. John expertly took it out of it's tube and injected it into Rodney's thigh, holding it there for a few seconds. Carson massaged where John had injected the epinephrine for another few seconds before the four quickly carried Rodney away to the infirmary.

0o0o0o0o0

Rodney awoke to the three worried looks of his teammates sitting around him. He groaned, wanting to leave and get back to his work but knowing that he was too weak to even hold his hand still for a longer than a few seconds let alone walk all the way back to the lab.

"What happened?" Rodney asked hoarsely.

"One of the marines found where you hid the stash of tuna and thought it would be funny to slip some orange in to test your allergies." Teyla informed him. Rodney looked at John for confirmation that actions had been taken against the marines.

"They're locked in the brig of the Daedalus with no hope of getting out until they reach Earth, and then they're going to face court marshals and dishonourable discharge from whatever part of the military they're from." John said. Rodney nodded and put his head back onto the pillow. A few moments of comfortable silence and Rodney started laughing.

"Lets not try any more 'inventive' training strategies anymore, okay?" Rodney sighed. John grinned and laughed while he nodded. Ronan and Teyla both rolled their eyes but grinned all the same.


End file.
